Worst First Movie Dates

For some reason, in every relationship I have ever been in, there has been one date involving a really bad movie early on. Some movies were so horrible, it was a great prelude to the shit-ass dating to follow (or in some cases, no following at all). Unfortunately, due to my memory for really bad pop culture, I can remember almost all of them. There were so many classic movies that came out at this time, Schindler's List, Pulp Fiction, Shawshank Redemption, LA Confidential, even the classic Happy Gilmore. I watched none of these while on a date. It was like my dates and I decided to see if the relationship could handle 2 hours of hell and come out unscathed.
Now, I've been with my husband for over a decade now, so most of these movies have been rightfully placed in the $1 VHS bin of movie history. I'm dragging them back out.
The top 5:
No5 - Victim: my own dear husband, Darren.
Movie: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
This movie had everything going for it. Hunter S. Thompson story. Johnny Depp. Benecio Del Toro. What it lacked was coherent plot and flow (which is probably the point). However, my brain couldn't take it, and to this day I have blocked out the majority of what actually happened in the movie.

No4 - Victim: Dan?, Dave?, Mike? - you can tell this was a meaningful relationship
Movie: The People Versus Larry Flynt
I should have run away as soon as the words "with Courtney Love" flashed on the screen. It was painful, and I never went on another date with whoever that was.

No3 - Victim: Josh
Movie: To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar
Good Lord! What a premise! Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo in an awesome 50's convertible looking for adventure across the country...Did I mention they were in drag? While at sometimes fairly funny, it was overall completely stupid. I mean, Wesley Snipes' stage name(?!) - Noxeema Jackson. Patrick Swayze - Vida Boheme. The basic plot had our three intrepid ladies stranded in a small hick-town in the middle of nowhere, and they had to teach the townspeople valuable lessons about acceptance and moisturizers. At the end, everyone learned that everyone is wonderful and the world will be perfect if we can all just express ourselves. I express myself by firebombing theaters that show crappy movies. The End.


No2 - Victim: Rob
Movie: Made in America
My first date of all time. I had to be set up on a blind date by my best friend because I could not have gotten a guy to look at me without having my hot friend around. Usually the guy I was checking out would eventually walk over and say, "Hey, does your friend have a boyfriend?" It was awesome. Back to my story, so here I am, 15 years old, never been kissed, bad hair, braces with a huge gap in my front teeth, and in general, really awkward and nerdy. We went out on a double date, and this is the stinker that young love was supposed to blossom to. The plot of the movie (if you can call it that), was that Whoopie Goldberg had a daughter by artificial insemination, and the donor daddy was a used-car salesman played by Ted Dansen. The daughter wanted to find her dad before leaving for college, and she finds out it's him. Whoopie and Ted eventually fall in love and make the girl's childhood dreams come true. It is actually even worse than it sounds. I vaguely remember something about a rampaging elephant, which could have been the best part of the movie had Ted or Whoopie gotten smushed.

No1 - Victim: Kyle
Movie: ConAir
This is the #1 worst movie ever made of all time (I consider Ed Woods' movies to be works of genius in comparison). The first problem is that Nicholas Cage is the worst actor in the history of time (just ahead of Bill Paxton (have you seen True Lies? Seriously)). He can do okay in comedy, but as a mulleted, wrongly-convicted, ass-kicking, righteous badass? No chance in all of hell. The producers somehow slipped rufees to John Cusack and John Malkovich into joining this piece of rhinoceros poo as well. I really can't say anymore. It is in fact the essence of suck.

Honorable Mention: Johnny Mnemonic. I actually saw this movie towards the end of a relationship, and I blame Keanu Reeves for the breakup. My brain still hurts from the implausibility of the whole thing. Keanu can't hold one coherent thought in his head, much less the super-secret data plans for something or other.

Thanksgiving and IPOS

Sorry it's been so long since my last post, but between work and travel I've been pretty wiped lately. Here's a small sample of what's been going on:

1. Went home for Thanksgiving for a great weekend with the family. My parents usually go to my in-laws for Thanksgiving dinner since we don't have much family in town, so Darren and I don't have to run between houses all day. We played the first annual game of Brey family flag football; hopefully it will get better when the boys get a little older. Laura also had her baby shower on Sunday. I cannot believe that my little baby sister is about to be a baby mama (can't wait!). We also caught up with old friends that we haven't seen in a while. By the way, $10 redbull and vodkas are a fraud.

2. After being back in Philly for about all of 18 hours, I flew out again, this time to the International Pediatric Orthopaedic Symposium in Orlando, FL. I had won a scholarship to attend the conference along with two of my ortho friends from other residency programs. I also got to know a third resident who has so much in common with me it's scary. She's another resident in town and one of my newest facebook friends!

As for the conference, it was a great opportunity to learn more about Peds Ortho and get to know some of the big names in the field. It's actually one of the smallest branches of orthopaedics, so most people know each other pretty well. Here's an example of one of my encounters. Do demonstrate how big the names of the guys involved are, I'll use NBA references. To set the scene, I had arrived in Orlando fairly early on Tuesday, and most of my friends were supposed to arrive fairly late that night. So, I sat at the hotel bar to watch some basketball, drink a beer, and eat some nachos. As I am eating said nachos, Dwyane Wade walks by. I call out and say, "Hey Mr. Wade, I met you a couple of weeks ago when I interviewed to join the Heat organization. Want some nachos?" So Dwyane sits down and starts eating nachos. A few minutes later, Kobe Bryant walks by and starts eating nachos as well. Finally, LeBron James comes and joins the pary as well. Weird.

AM, M, and I also snuck out of conference a little early one day to visit Disney World. I have never been during Christmas season, and I must say that the parks were actually very pretty. We got to do a few of the rides and watch the fireworks just before closing. The rest of the week we hung around with some of the residents from different programs around the country. Again, peds ortho is a small community, so I will probably work with these guys for many decades to come. It's good to know that there are really good people going into this field.

3. A lot is going on at home as well. I've hardly been home the past few weeks, and then as soon as I got home I was on call the next day. I'm so ready for a change of location at work. It seems that all I do is read and make presentations and I really feel the need to get some of my personal life back. My dog barely recognizes me anymore.

4. Happy 1st anniversary to Washed Up!